I cried this morning as I told my small group at Cursillo about one more giant let go of my son. It’s hard to let him go. He wants to be free and of course he needs to be free. He is off to university this fall. I have been feeling the need to “get him ready.” He needs a budget, a computer with proper software, a place to live and, more than anything, to start planning more than 3 hours ahead! Kids – sheesh.
He dug in this week. He doesn’t want any more ‘talks.’ He thinks my help implies I think he’s incapable. The other day, Joanne and I were going out for dinner so I listed what was available to him in the fridge. He was quite offended. “Don’t you think I know how to cook for myself?” Exasperation. “Sure I do. I’m only telling you what’s here.”But I know he’s right. He is fully capable of opening the freezer door.
It kills me how often “help” is viewed as a criticism. Once again, God’s inner peace lesson is hammered home to me: Ask permission. “Do you need help?” Jesus said, “Ask and you shall receive.” When they are not asking, maybe it’s because they don’t need help. Even if they do, most of us need to learn for ourselves. It may seem the “hard way” but unless it’s life-threatening, hey, maybe it’s actually God’s way for that person – in this case, my beloved and only child.
I slept poorly that night – awakening with a start as the depth of loss hit me. In the morning, I said to him, “I hear you loud and clear. You want me to back off. So I’m going to respect your wishes. I won’t ask or offer help but I am here for you if you need help. You need to ask or speak up or I will assume all is fine.” He smiled. “Thank you.”
I know in my heart that he will be knocking on my door. Maybe even more than before. That’s how it seems to work when we set people free. Thank you Lord for the strength to do this.